Self-Doubt and Taking Up Space As An Artist
Dear Wonderful, Creative You:
I have a fabulous treat for you today. I’ve been chatting with artist Helen Wells (author of Expressive Sketchbooks) for some time, looking for an opportunity to collaborate because her art and sensibilities speak to my heart. We decided that it would be fun to interview each other, so today I’m bringing you her inspiring words and art. I think you will be just as delighted to read it as I was. You’ll find a wonderful free class she is offering my readers, and here is a link to my interview on Helen’s site.
Helen Wells is a professional artist, author, and teacher. She creates vibrant, expressive artworks that blend intuitive marks with thoughtful design. Nature, vintage textiles, and everyday beauty inspire her playful mix of rhythm, repetition and color. Her work appears in diverse spaces and places, from cruise ships to book covers, magazines, architecture, clothing and packaging. She’s the author of Expressive Sketchbooks Developing Creative Skills, Courage and Confidence (Quarry, 2020). Teaching thousands of students worldwide, Helen shares her passion for sketchbooks and creative exploration from her tiny studio on the South Coast of England. She became a professional artist later in life and credits her use of sketchbooks for this career pivot.
What is magical about your art practice?
The most magical thing, I think, is the joy and freedom I have found in my sketchbook practice. It’s a complete pendulum swing; my sketchbook practice used to feel like judgement and failure.
When I came back to art making as an adult I was both intimidated and scared by sketchbooks. I knew I should keep a sketchbook, that it would help me develop as an artist, but knowing that and doing that were two different things. I put a lot of weight on the end result, every page felt like it was a performance which I was failing. I somehow convinced myself that everything I created needed to look a certain way, to be good or perfect, or show-worthy to prove to myself I had talent. It was paralysing. The irony is not lost on me, that I wanted to improve as an artist but the pressure I put on myself had the exact opposite effect.
Now, I feel differently. I’ve learned to lower the pressure and my own expectations. I’ve allowed my sketchbook pages to hold less importance and more imperfection.
My sketchbook practice is now lots of fun. I often ask myself “what would help me to enjoy this more?” Or “what energy do I want to bring to this?” The answer is nearly always a permutation of “be less attached to the outcome. And do more of that thing
you love.” We often know what is best for us. Listening to my internal artistic wisdom rather than my internal critic is a practice I keep having to return to, re-learn and remember.
My sketchbooks are now anti-perfect and anti-pristine. They are where I get to mess about, try things out, tune-in to what I love in my own art. I now welcome in some mistakes and missteps because they usually mean I’m trying new things.
What is boring or frustrating about your art practice?
I’ve managed to build an art practice and a career doing what I love, later in life and that’s a brilliant privilege. I really appreciate that I used to work in an office and now I’m an artist. And because I’ve built my career slowly around the things I love to do, there aren’t too many things that I find frustrating. But if I’m pushed, the fact I work from a very small studio space and have a lot of kit can be limiting and frustrating. I have to be creative about how I juggle filming with painting, how I organise the space, chaos can sometimes creep in. I’m basically always moving piles of paintings, sketchbooks and art supplies around and around.
There’s also the admin side of running a creative business that can feel like it pulls me away from the making part, sometimes I have to really work at carving out enough time for the most important part…creating, but I wouldn’t call it a big frustration. It’s just the reality of art being my livelihood.
And then, of course, there’s the self-doubt, the worry, the questioning of self. I don’t think this ever fully goes away, it just changes shape. Even after years of making, teaching, publishing a book, there are still days when I wonder if what I’m doing is good enough, am I good enough? But I’ve learned that this doubt is just here for the ride and as long as it’s in the backseat it can come along on the journey.
Oh, and cleaning brushes, that’s always fairly boring.
What does your inner voice say on a good day?
It says: “Go for it. Be bolder. Be braver. Be unapologetically you. You don’t have to make something perfect, just make something. Have fun. Love the process. It’s only paint and paper. Be weirder, be more wonderful. Lean in with your whole heart.” Basically it’s like a really kind encouraging cheerleader who says “You’re allowed to take up space here. Go on…”
What does your inner voice say on a bad day?
On a bad day my internal monologue is critical, mean and mockingly cruel. It tells me the work isn’t good enough, I’m not good enough. That no one cares. It says things like “does the internet really need to see a frizzy haired, 50 year old woman painting with a stick?” It offers a snarky snear-filled critique. It can take effort to acknowledge that what it says is not fact or truth… I’ve mostly learned to notice it without believing it now. To acknowledge it, to welcome it even, know that it’s trying to protect me and is just part of my creative vulnerability.
Art making can often feel exposing. We’re trying new things, stepping out of our comfort zone, attempting things we haven’t done before or trying things we don’t yet know how to do. Every time we get near these edges our internal critic can get really loud. I’ve named it Nigel and it seems to help. It allows me some objectivity and space around the negative thought to play with it. It allows me to better see it for what it is and I can sort of debate with it. “Yes, Nigel, I do actually believe that the world needs more creative women with untameable hair, creating with wild abandon…”.
What’s a small thing that delights you?
I’m easily delighted by tiny things and I’m so pleased that this is part of my personality, as I think it generally makes for a more interesting life. I love a sharp pencil. The sensory delight of nice paper. Collecting colour references as I go about my day. Weird shadows. Noticing shapes and patterns in unexpected places. The way art supplies layer and combine. A pencil mark over a smear of paint. The quality of a line made by a twig dipped in ink. Interesting torn edges. A full sketchbook. A weed growing up a wall. Coffee in a nice mug. A box of buttons…Noticing tiny moments of delight fuels my art practice and makes life more beautiful.
What’s a big thing that scares you?
There are many things on the world stage which scare me at the moment, but If I’m keeping this personal rather than political, I would say my main fear is ill health.
I have had a health struggle with chronic fatigue and long covid in recent years and it completely upended my life. It changed my sense of self and what I was able to achieve, but it also left me with a renewed connection to my creativity.
My sketchbook became more of a refuge or a balm for a weary soul. A small safe harbour when my health was poor. I could do something tiny in my sketchbook from bed and it felt like a thread back to my old life…
Even though I’m so much better now, I carry that experience with me. It changed me.
It taught me how fragile things can be, how quickly life can shrink. But also the importance of creativity, for joy, for expression, for connection to self and as a route back to myself.
What would your 85-year-old self say about the way you’re living your life?
She’d say, “Girl, play bigger, be bolder, be braver.. Take yourself seriously, but not too seriously.” She’d probably also say, “be kinder to yourself, dance more, keep smiling, be more weird. Don’t listen to criticism from strangers. Enjoy the journey. You only get one go at this wild ride, you might as well try and enjoy it…”
It’s such a powerful question which we could all usefully invite into our own creative practice. What advice would my future self give me at this moment? It’s a fast-track to big picture perspective and tuning in to inner wisdom.
What would your 12-year-old self say about the way you’re living your life?
She’d be just thrilled. When I was 12, I wanted to be a textile designer. I was obsessed with pattern, colour and all things decorative. I think she’d squeal in delight to know I now get to make art for a living, that I spend my days wrapped in colour, pattern and art supplies.
She’d be proud that I didn’t give up, that I got where I was going eventually,
even if it was via a circuitous route. And I think she’d be pretty chuffed to see my shelves full of sketchbooks. She’d be so excited and amazed that I have a whole room just for art making and would probably tell me off for not being grateful enough and moaning about its size…
Free class!
Curious to try Helen’s playful, process-led approach for yourself?
Helen is offering my readers a free experimental mixed media sketchbook class. Here’s the link if you’d like to find out more:
https://helenwellsartist.com/signup-amy
I hope you enjoyed this little creative adventure with Helen. You can find my interview on her blog. And let us know in the comments what reading about our experiences has sparked for you!
Creatively Yours,
Amy
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Just fabulous! What I needed to hear today as I have a very loud critical voice.
I hear you Sally, as you can see, you are not alone. So glad this spoke to you!
So glad you enjoyed our chat Sally. Glad it caught you when you needed to hear it. Love Helen xx
Oh I’m so glad this found you when you needed it. Sending love. Helen x
So much to love! Great interview questions, and such inspiring answers! I’ll definitely be naming my inner critic – perhaps Pricilla?
Somehow I missed this when it was originally published. Wasn’t able to connect to the class. Is it still available?
What a wonderful interview! Helen’s joy is infectious, and her story so uplifting and powerful. Thank you both for sharing these insights. I’m a devoted new follower of Helen on Instagram now.
I love this sharing of thoughts from two of my favorite artists. I’ve followed Helen for a long time and just love her enthusiasm and energy! Her art is so bold and always inspires me to be a little less cautious. I’ve also followed you and join your weekly small drawing classes because I love the tiny art you encourage (you guys are just opposites in that way! :)) I have my collection of small art to pull from to make my own popups. I use your inspiration to make cards for friends, etc. This is a brilliant combo of inspiration – thanks for putting it together.
I couldn’t find a way to comment on your interview on Helen’s blog- hopefully you’ll share this with her.
Hi Terrie – I know it’s such fun to hear from artists like you who connect with both Helen and me. What fun! While our work is so different, a lot of what drives us is so similar. I will definitely let Helen know to come by the blog and see what everyone has to share. Thank you for being here! xo
Thank you so much for this interviews! I was thrilled to read it since both of you are my favorite artists to watch. I am Swiss and I live in Switzerland and sometimes I really feel lonely because I don’t know anybody in Switzerland who would do what I am doing since a few years: sketch booking, junk journaling, art journaling and especially trying out materials, collaging, making my own journaling notebooks … But there is always this intimidating voice: “what are you doing? Is there nothing better to invest your time in with 71? What bothers me too is that i couldn’t find my own style yet.
Your encouraging answers and words are indeed a source to keep going and continue to be curious where it leads me. Thank you both.
Rikka – I so appreciate your generous response here and all that you share. Thank you! I’m thrilled that you feel seen. You are on the right track. Happy creating!
Hello Rikka, I wonder where you live in Switzerland, I am Anglo-Swiss and it would be great to do some artistic work together. Ilive on Lake Geneva.
Oh I’m so glad you have found your creative tribe here. Thank you for your wonderful warmth and kindness. I wish you ell in your wonderful creative curiosity. Love Helen
What a lovely comment and compliments. I’m so glad you enjoyed our arty chat. Thank you for your wonderful enthusiasm. Love Helen
Oh Terrie. What a super lovely compliment and comment. I am so touched and thrilled by your warm enthusiasm. Thank you. I love that you are sending out your creative joy to all your friends. Love Helen x
What an excellent interview with Helen! She is my favorite online artist for her lovely life energy and joyful creative artistic pursuits. She is someone I would love to meet in person. Thank you both for putting your art and inspiration out there in the world. It is so precious.
oh Cathy I’m so happy to hear that! Helen does indeed share such joy through her art and teaching. Thank you for your comment!
Oh gosh Cathy, I’m feeling the love. Thank you for your amazing compliments, so warm and generous. Thank you
I found Helen through a local PBS (Tucson, AZ) sketching artist, then you Amy through Helen and the Bingefest. All three have given me direction to my art, luscious supply recommendations, and all around fun. I am known among my friends for my artistic cards having added your pop up features to make them fun. I don’t plan on making anything into a business, however, It is never too late for art of any kind. Though dabbling in it for decades, at 72 I am finding more purpose and direction than ever before. Helen’s age of fifty sounds young! Enjoy every minute.
Shelly, this makes me really happy! What fun that you are spreading the art joy amongst friends. It’s fun too to know how you found us! Cheers
That is just brilliant Shelly. I love that. Thank you and I am delighted to hear that creativity gives you purpose and direction, I feel that too. Love from Helen xx
Wow! What an unexpected treat. I loved being introduced to Helen and her bold and vibrant art. I look forward to learning more about her work; I signed up to receive information about her events. It was also awesome to see Amy featured along with some of her pieces that I love, like Rice, with fresh eyes. I loved reading both interviews – great questions. I was especially struck by the question and answers about the 85 year old self. A good question for me, maybe all of us. My 85 year old self would tell me to learn, collaborate, and share resources. The world needs this right now. Amy, thanks for this example.
Thank you Cheri, you always read with such care, and it makes the work so worthwhile. Truly, thank you. We loved the questions too! I like your 85 year old wisdom too. And I think you’ll learn a lot from Helen. Cheers
Oh Cheri what an awesome comment. I just love, love, love your answer to the 85 year old question, so good. It’s such a good compass of a question…isn’t it? Love Helen x
What a delightful treat. Two of my favourite inspirational artists together.
I follow you both and love how each of your styles enhances my opposite approaches to creativity.
Your welcoming honesty and love of everything you do is much appreciated.
I feel blessed to “know” you both.
Marion – your warm appreciation of this collaboration lights us up! Thank you for the kind words! xo
Oh that’s super lovely of you Marion, what a wonderfully warm and kind response. Thank you so much for being so lovely xx
I love that you’ve each connected us! I’ve been following you both for years and love that your messages and love of shapes and patterns are so similar, yet the scale is so different! They both appeal to me, along with your spirit and philosophical viewpoints. What a joy!
Jean Ann, Your reply makes my day. What a pleasure. Thank you!
Yay. Thank you Jean Ann, what a wonderfully kind and encouraging comment. I’m so delighted you enjoyed our little blog swop… love Helen x
Watching Helen on any day gives me a smile back at her even knowing she can’t see me. I’m an 89 yr old that flits back and forth from watercolor to pencil drawing and collage, trying to find my true style maybe just doing one art style…. After watching Helen I have come to the conclusion that I can be satisfied with whatever art supplies moves me to use on any given day…to just play!
Hi Sharon – Thank you for sharing this, it’s so inspiring! I love how watching Helen has encouraged you to play and follow whatever supplies call to you. That spirit of joy and curiosity is exactly what art is all about.
Oh I just LOVE this Sharon… so good to know that I have encouraged a little dose of art play…go you… Love Helen xx
I loved this interview, as I love everything Helen does and teaches. It’s very special to me that you two are collaborating as I follow you both and have gained a lot of confidence and skills from your approaches. My painting and drawing is so much more free. Going forward I am inspired by Helen to be more experimental. Push more boundaries and be more weird in my life. Thanks ☺️
Thank you so much for sharing this! It’s wonderful to hear how Helen’s spirit and our collaboration have inspired you to embrace freedom and experimentation in your art.
Thanks for sharing this great interview. Helen has such a wild and free style and I love her art attitude!
Hi Karen, we’re so glad you enjoyed it!
Hey Karen, what a brilliant reaction… I love that you think my art is wild and free… brilliant, Thank you. Helen x
Like so many of you above, I have been following both you, Amy, and Helen for quite a few years – and bought Helen’s book quite a while ago, which I love. Though both so different you are both so inspiring. I have many tiny artworks, made into really mini booklets thanks to your slow drawing classes. I too am 80 and unfortunately, find there is not enough time in the day to do all I would like artistically, having been drawing and painting since I was about 3 years old!!!! Thanks to both of you for your inspiration.
We’re so glad the slow drawing and mini booklets have brought you joy and inspiration, thank you for sharing your story with us.
well …. what a lovely interview. I can’t thank Helen enough for sharing her personal insight to her creative stye . I admire your soul and spirit. Lovely person. Very inspirational. thank you for sharing
Hi Jill: Yes, Helen is a treasure for sure and I’m so happy she could inspire you. Xo
So many wonderfully encouraging comments. I especially love naming your “Inner Critic”. I’m definitely going to try that next time it grumbles at me.
Oh Lee I’m so happy to hear that Helen’s words spoke to you as they do to so many of us. Cheers!